Please Pray

I am having trouble sleeping tonight and praying to God for comfort. I have been laying in bed counting movements from Nudge. If I don't feel 6 in a 2 hour stretch I have reason to worry. So far so good.

I received a call from my doctor early today (technically yesterday) that there seems to be some worries. When I had my ultrasound last week (for an unrelated issue that was fine in the end) they noticed that Nudge is not growing as he should be and the flow in the umbilical cord is low. I was told this usually means that my placenta has kinda kicked the bucket. It can not produce enough nutrients for baby to grow. I was asked to go to the hospital for a non-stress test. This is where they check the baby's stress levels.

At this point I was told I just needed to be monitored and that meant 2 non-stress tests a week and one ultrasound. However, after the first non-stress test last night I got a visit from the OB on duty. He confirmed that my placenta is not working, that the baby is stressed, and that I am not going to make it to term. They have started me on steroids to help Nudge's lungs to grow stronger. I go back for a non-stress test in 6 hours followed by another ultrasound to check umbilical flow. If thing are not too bad I will get more steroids and get checked every 48 hours. If all is not fine they will plan to take Nudge out.

Needless to say I am scared, anxious, tired, worried and feeling a little like a failure. If you could please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Doctors hope I can keep him brewing a couple weeks or even a few days longer to give his lungs a better chance but truly in the end he is safer out here than he is in there if I can't provide for him what he needs.

In the meantime I will try to keep my chin up and know that it is in God's hands.