Too Busy

I keep meaning to post but I have just been too busy. My day goes like this


12am: wake up to pump,
12:45: back to bed
3am: wake up to pump
3:45: back to bed
6am: wake up to pump then start the day. Get Rawley up for school. Take him to my dad's or the sitters for 7:30.
8:45: be at hospital, Change diaper, take temperature, feed via breast, bottle or tube depending on how alert and ready Everett is. Then pump.
9:15ish: Come home and eat
11:30: Head back to hospital to do it all again
2pm: pick up Rawley if I do not have someone to watch him after school
2:45: back to hospital
4:15ish head home for dinner, laundry, time with Rawley
5:45: back to hospital
7:15: back home
7:45: back to hospital for weigh in, bath and the rest.
10:15ish: home for the night
Then I start all over again at midnight.

I am so tired.

Everett has been doing awesome. He is growing stronger everyday. A couple days ago he was taken off extra Oxygen and has been doing really good. Yesterday he finished off his last antibiotics for the pneumonia and then finally got his IV removed. It is so nice to see his arm free from the needle and all the tape. Today He got to give him his first bath. It was so much fun. Ryan held him, I bathed him and Rawley video taped it all. The video may make some people seas sick, but it is so special that he was there to tape it for us.

Everett has had a lot less rapid breathing which is so amazing. we are so proud of all his little accomplishments. Tomorrow he should be moved out of his incubator and into a big boy bed. Then we will get to start dressing him in real clothes. Although I do love his naked little body, it will be nice to see him in his cute little preemie outfits.

So that is the little update i have and now here are a few new pictures.

Pictures

A few on my favorite photos.

Not Enough Hours in a Day

I am finding it really hard to be home and have Everett still in the hospital. Besides the obvious reasons of just not having your baby with you, I am just running out of time to get everything done in a day.

I try to show up just before 9am, 12pm & 3pm everyday for sure. This way I arrive just as he is waking up. Through the port holes of the incubator I get you change his diaper, take his temperature, move his O2 monitor from one foot to the other and then feed and burp him. This takes about a half hour, then I stay there and pump which takes just over a half hour. By the time I leave I only have just over an hour to come home to eat, clean up an bit and try to sleep for 30 minutes. It is really hard but I don't want to miss any opportunity I have to be with him.

Most nights this week we have also gone back as a family at 6pm and then at 8. Just after 8pm they take him out to weigh him and if his vitals are all good, we can sometimes sneak a little cuddle.

Everett has been showing signs of getting better everyday. They have confirmed he has pneumonia in one lung so he has to remain on antibiotics. Yesterday they were able to take him off Oxygen and his levels stayed good all day long. This is huge because when he does not need the extra oxygen we have more chances to take him out and hold him.

They have been giving him my expressed milk for a few days and that seems to have calmed him down a lot. He sleeps better between feeds and his breathing and slowed a bit. They want his breathing to be under 60 and Everett is often up around 100. So he see it slow and see him calm down is wonderful.

Yesterday I got to take him out and give him his bottle at 3pm because all his vitals were so good all day.

He also managed to finish off 2 consecutive bottles of 35mls. He does have a feeding tube now because 35 mls is a lot for a little one to try to suck so if he gets tired they put the remaining milk down his tube. The feeding tube is really not as awful as I thought is would be. Ryan still hates it though. Last night Auntie Merry kept Rawley so Ryan and I could go to the hospital at 8pm by ourselves and spend some quality time with Everett. He was doing so well that they let me try to breast feed him. He was so eager and was latching really well. He does have an incredibly small mouth so we still had some troubles, but he did amazing for his first attempt. We were able to keep him out for almost 2 hours and Ryan and Everett had the most amazing cuddle ever. It was so cute. Everett seems to do really well when being held. He calms down and all his vitals stay within the range they want. He really loves his daddy.

As for me. I was discharged at noon on Wednesday. They sent me down to the NICU to wait for Ryan to come get me. The discharge did not go well. I was given 30 minutes to pack everything up and leave my room and I was all Alone and not feeling great so I had a good cry. One of my two favorite nurses came to see me and she hugged me and helped me with everything. They never told me much when I left....like when I need to see my doctor again, when I need to have my staples removed...what to do if I get the gas pains.

Turns out at about 5:30 that night I got the gas pains again. The worst ones I had ever had. We were at home and had to return to the hospital. It was awful because Rawley was with us and I was crying/moaning A LOT. I could barely take a breath and Rawley seemed very scared. When we got to emerg they took me right in and I was seen by a doc within 15 minutes. The nurses had an IV in (my 5th) and were giving me morphine before the doctor even had time to come see me (bless her heart). Finally I felt some relief. The doctor still checked to make sure gas was all it was, he did an ultrasound to rule out fluid in the tummy and checked me over really well. Then before leaving he gave me morphine pills to take home with me. Poor Rawley had a rough night. Once I explained that I am okay and nothing is really wrong except I am in pain and I just need some medicine to make it go away he seemed to be okay.

I also found out that I should probably have had my stitches out already. After 3 or 4 days the skin starts to heal over the stitched and then it hurts a lot to have them out. Today is day 6 for me. I called the dr. office as soon as I found this out and they tried to get me in yesterday but I could not make it, so I am a little nervous about my appointment today.

I will just keep thinking about Everett and how well he is doing, how cute he is and how right after my appointment I will get to go see him.... that should get me through it. :)

And The Husband of the Year Award Goes To.....

RYAN WALKER!

I cannot describe how loved and cared for I have felt through this whole experience. Ryan has been by my side for every contraction, bathroom trip, needle,(and there have been lots..4 IVs, and epidural, plenty blood work...) chest pain, vitals check.... He has been my food getter and often feeder, my water fetcher, my bed tucker, my foot rubber, my forehead kisser, my coach, my cheerleader, my encourager....

Nothing has grossed him out or made him look away. When he looks at my huge swollen elephant feet he tells me they are beautiful. When I say I look awful he tells me I look like a mom. He let me hold Everett the entire time Monday night. He lovingly pushes me in my wheelchair and has managed to maneuver holding open heavy door while pushing through my wheel chair and IV pole.

...to be continued. I am being discharged right now.

Tuesday May 25

I tried to blog earlier today but blogger was deleting everything I wrote. After 3 tried I finally gave up.

Yesterday was a Awful and Wonderful day all rolled into one.

Awful: I was still having really bad chest pains from the gas/air in my diaphragm. When the pain comes I can not move and I can barely breath. The usually pump me full of morphine and in 15 minutes I start to feel better. Poor Ryan has to sit beside me feeling helpless. He has been my hero though it all though. He holds my hand and talks me through everything. He is very encouraging and repeatedly tells me what a good job I am doing (even when I am crying and screaming in agony).

Wonderful: I got to hold Everett last night. We were not expecting to be able to hold him for a week or so because his Oxygen levels are so low and his breathing is so fast. Yesterday afternoon we had told them that we planned to be back at 8 pm to see him again and the nurse in the NICU said that is when they will have him out of his incubator to be weighed. Once he was weighed his levels were good so she told me I could hold him. I got to hold him for about 7 minutes and it was the most amazing feeling ever. He was actually pretty content and if his Oxygen levels were better he probably could have stayed out longer. Both Ryan and I cried though as I held our tiny little baby in my arms.

Yesterday when I spoke with the pediatrician he told me that they suspect he may have pneumonia. He had 2 x-rays already and will have another chest x-ray tomorrow. If he does have it he will have to stay on antibiotics a little longer.

Today Everett made huge leaps and bounds. He has showed signs of being interested in eating so they tried him on some 5ml of breast milk and he totally sucked it down then became very calm. His breathing slowed and he was more peaceful. Normally babies like him can not handle sucking from a bottle because it requires too much effort and energy so they get a feeding tube. We were told that Everett will probably have one, but if he can keep this up he will not need one. They have already bumped him up to 8 mls and at midnight he will get 11mls. Also he finally had his first poop today. Which if you are unaware is a huge deal. We are so proud of him.

Tonight we were back for 8 pm and I got to change his diaper, feed him his bottle and then Ryan got to to hold him. While Ryan was holding him Rawley was touching his head, talking to him, kissing him and letting Everett grab his finger. During this time Everett had the most steady rates on the monitor. Even while out of the incubator his Oxygen levels were higher than when he is in. The nurse was so impressed. She told Rawley that Everett must really love him and the sound of his voice. It was a very wonderful moment.to hold him.

Everett Lee Walker

Everett finally came into the world just in the nick of time to have a May 22nd birthday. My wrist band says he was born at 11:12pm. I was not awake at the time so I will go by that. He was 4lbs 7.5oz, but the doctor gave him the extra half ounce and called him at 4lbs 8oz. He was 45cm long, but I have no idea what that is in inches.

After two very full days of trying every other option for a natural birth they finally booked us for a c-section. I was completely exhausted and Everett had been working so hard for so long that it was time to just get him out.

The C-section did not quite go as smooth as we expected. After they had me open and started working I could feel the pain so they quickly kicked Ryan out of the OR and put me to sleep. It was all very fast and scary for both of us. Ryan did not know what was happening or why they were kicking him out. I guess in a situation like that they don't have time to explain things they just have to act. Because I was put out I did not see, hear or get to hold Everett while in the OR but I have been assured he came out screaming and very alert.

Ryan and his mom got to see Everett shortly after delivery while I woke up in recovery. Apparently it was extremely emotional for both of them. Wish I could have been a apart of that.

Everett was very tired so they had to give him an IV for get him some nutrients.

Once I had been awake for almost an hour and the spinal block started to die off they wheeled me on my bed into NICU to see Everett.

OH MY GOODNESS. He is so cute. I know he is small at 4lbs 8ozs but he actually isn't as tiny as I was expecting. He has really dark skin and dark hair. I have no pictures to post at this time as we are still in the hospital and I can barely move.

Yesterday was a rough day of recovery for me. I have been having a lot of pains that are associated with a c-section. When they have you open air gets into your abdominal cavity and you experience a lot of chest pains (they are referred to as gas pains) that shoot up into your shoulder. If I sit up for more than 45 minutes or use my right arm the pain is quite intense. They have had me on morphine for that.

Yesterday however was amazing. I got to visit Everett in the NICU 4 times. Rawley got to come meet his baby brother. It was so amazing to watch him stare at Everett with such love. He was scared at first to put his hand in the incubator and touch Everett, but before he left he had rubbed his back and cupped his head. Rawley also bought Everett a little tiny stuffed animal. Rawley has a stuffed Monkey at home named Lickety. So, Rawley brought Everett the miniature version of the same Monkey and named him Lickety2.

Ryan's mom has been here since Saturday morning at 11 and it has been so wonderful to have her here. She has been a huge support for both Ryan & I. We were very lucky to have her hear through the extremely emotional and exhausting delivery day.

I am not sure what else to tell you at this time. It is 6:30 am on Monday morning and I actually managed to sleep from midnight till 4am this morning. Ryan is still asleep and I think I am going to try to go back to sleep now too.

Just so everyone knows I am unable to do anything on facebook but read. The Internet browser here is not very compatible. I will comment or reply once we get home if needed.

Little To No Progess

This day has gone on forever. I have made little to no progress all day. Everything we have tried has not worked. Nudge's head is no where near ready to make an entrance.
Ho Hum
Oh and this: They turned my epidural off last night when contractions stopped but promised as soon as they started again it would get turned back on. However, the message was not properly given to the morning crew which meant 3 hours of ridiculously hard labour before anyone did anything. The doctor was not pleased with them when he came back and i was crying.
I am done with this now. I just want him out.

Doctor should be here in a few minutes to check me again. If there is still no progress we move on to plan....C..or D....I am not sure anymore.

Will update tomorrow.

May 21 9:22

So, we have had quite a day here at the hospital. We arrived at 8 am and they started to induce me at 9:45. After that point we made good progress up until about 3. The aim was to get my contractions 2.5 minutes apart and have them last for 1 minute. We made it there and it was brutal. Right when they decided to get me an epidural and pump up the ocytocin.....everything stopped. The contractions spread out and were less intense. Now I am having none at all. Boo.
We had two options.
Options1: shut everything off, sleep and wait for a c-section in the morning
Option 2: try a different method of induction and see if it works. If not have a c-section in the morning.

We chose option #2, because if we can get away without a c-section that would be optimal. It is also scary because Nudge is going to have to stay in a little longer and I worry about how he is doing in there. His head is ridiculously high right now and he appears to have moved out of optimal birthing position. What a little bugger. I am exhausted and tired of the up and down but either way we can not get in for a c-section till morning so we may as well try another route while we wait and hope for the best.

Nurses have all been amazing and my doctor is pretty great too. I am going to go get a tour of the NICU now so I know where Nudge will be living for a while.

Good Night.

Ready Or Not

So, today I had my appointment with my specialist. And he discovered my amniotic fluid is substantially lower than last visit and lower than what they consider acceptable. He said that he believes that my water did break yesterday. It may be a high break though meaning it is at or near the top of the uterus so only leaks out when I or baby are in certain positions. Which would explain one positive and one negative test yesterday.

Also, he measured wrong last week.. He was extremely apologetic for this and felt awful that he had told me baby was doing so good, when in fact he is not growing much at all. We thought he was 4 lbs 8 ozs last week but today after measuring A LOT, he seems to be only 4 lbs 5 ozs.

Due to the fact that baby is so small, not really growing and my water has been leaking he recommended me delivering in the next few days. By Sunday at the latest.

Shortly after I left his office, my doctor's office called to give me instructions. He has filled out all the admitting forms. I have to call the hospital tomorrow morning at 7 am, then go in to be induced.

The doctor from my group who I have been seeing mostly in regards to the complications will be the one on call tomorrow at the hospital so he will induce me and hopefully be there to deliver too.

So, I guess we are having a baby tomorrow. A teeny tiny baby boy.

Boy, do we have a lot to do tonight:
Pack our bags,
Pack Diaper bag
Pack Rawley's bags
Organize who and when and where Rawley will be staying
Buy a diaper bag
Buy some preemie sleepers

I, or someone, will keep you all posted.

Tired of the Unknown

So, Early this morning I thought my water had broken. I woke up about 2:20. From then on I was pretty sure that is what had happened, but could not be positive. When I was pregnant with Rawley there was no mistaking when my water broke because it was a huge flood just like in the movies. This time is was slower and different.
I waited till my schedule Dr.s appointment this afternoon to find out what was going on. She seemed concerned enough to send me to the hospital right away. I tried to get away with leaving it until after our appointment with the bank, but the doctor said "no".
So, off we went to the hospital. The nurse took all my information and did a test. The test came back positive for amniotic fluid. She confirmed that my water had broke and asked me to wait to see the doctor. However, when the doctor did the exact same swab it came back negative. She also took a look under the microscope and it was negative.
I am so confused.
How can one test at 3:30 show positive and the exact same test at 4:20 show negative.
From May 3rd we have gone from:
You are having this baby today or tomorrow
to: This baby is coming soon lets see how many days we can get
to: We are aiming for 35 week, if we get there that's great
to: Baby is doing good let's try for more than 35 weeks
to: Your water broke, baby is coming now
to: Your water didn't break go home (but come back tonight if the same thing happens)

I am so frustrated with not knowing what is going on. Also, not a fan of going to the hospital and looking foolish.

What Have We Been Up To?

This weekend was a busy one. Saturday Ryan and I had prenatal class all day long. Then we watched our Nephew for an hour before heading out to a fundraiser. Rawley's behaviour was unbelievably good while we were out. He is really into reading my old Garfield comic books so he brought one to the burger & Beer fundraiser and sat nice all night. When things were exciting and fun he participated with great manners and then when it got boring he sat at the table and read quietly. I was amazing to take him out for a late night and have him be on his best behaviour all night.

Sunday, we took Rawley and his friend from school out for lunch to celebrate Rawley's birthday. Rawley picked Whitespot. We went there and each boy ordered a pirate pack and sat nicely and coloured. Afterwords Ryan took them to see Iron Man 2 while I went grocery shopping. The idea of paying to see a movie i didn't want to see and then sitting for over 2 hours watching it did not appeal to me at all. I managed to get all the shopping done, ran into a friend at the store and chatted then went for a small Iced Capp. It was very relaxing. The only thing I struggle with when shopping alone is always leaving my cart unattended to do pee. I am always afraid they will start putting my food back.

Rawley also got his hair cut yesterday, I usually do it from home but after i do it 3 or 4 times we really need to have a professional touch it up and get all the lines straight again. Besides, Great Clips gives him a sucker afterwords and I don't.

~Rawley nice short do for the hot weather~

Before Rawley went to bed and Ryan went to hockey the boys sat and played a couple games of Chess. Rawley is actually getting really good at it. I am very impressed. He likes to think through all the plays before making a move. Sometimes he misses things or forgets but for the most part he is doing well.
At 8 Rawley went to bed, 8:30 Ryan went to hockey and by 9:15 I was in bed. AHHHH!

Wonderful News

My appointment this morning with the specialist went better than good. Nudge is growing!!!! The fluid level is good and the umbilical flow is good. Dr. Still could not believe how much baby has grown. He even went back and remeasured to make sure it was correct.
Last Friday Nudge measured about 3lbs 12ozs.
Today he is measuring about 4lbs 8oz.
I nearly fell off the bed. I was ecstatic.
The biggest growth has been in his abdomen. Which means that he is not just getting enough nutrients to survive but he is even storing some.

If we keep going at this pace we are definitely going to make it past 35 weeks and I may not need a c-section after all.

Dr. Still sat with me awhile afterwords to try to pin point what in my life had changed that would cause such an improvement because it is very rare for a situation like this to turn around for the better. The only drastic change has been me going off work. Things have also improved a little bit at Rawley's school, but mostly just me not working has been the change.

I always knew my job was a very stressful one, but I never knew it was so bad that it could put my unborn baby at risk. I am so glad they caught this problem when they did and that the actions they have had me take are working.

We are still living a life of total uncertainty. There is still little chance I will make it to term; therefore, we have no idea when this little one is going to make his appearance and that is hard. I know no one knows for sure, but at least most people can expect it around their due date. We have 6 weeks of unknown to wait out.

Anyway, as per the doctor I have a lot more laying around the house and doing nothing stressful to attend to.

Birthday Dinner

Rawley's birthday went wonderfully. I over cleaned, over decorated, over cooked and then over cleaned again. The following day I was exhausted but it was so worth it. Rawley had a great time and it was so nice to spend it with family.
This year is the first year that I did not make Rawley a fun special cake from scratch and I am a little disappointed. Although, Dairy Queen does make a good ice-cream cake and Rawley seemed just as pleased.
This is also the first year that Rawley did not get to have a party with friends. Due to me being on bed rest and us never knowing what day exactly Nudge is coming we decided it was just too stressful to plan anything. (Expensive as well) Instead we are taking him and a friend out for lunch and to the movies on Sunday.
It was really nice that Rawley received gifts from a few extra special people though to make up for not getting gifts from friends. Thank you to Nana Keys, Owyn's Nana & Sophie. It was very special for him to have gifts & cards from you.

These are the shoes that I broke down and bought for Rawley. He has had his eye on them for over a month. Me being the anti-skull mom thought he did not need to have them, but since all the other kids wear skulls and the shoes were just so cute.... I caved. He was super excited.

Papa and Rawley are trying to figure out a crazy hard puzzle here. They never did solve it. I am going to take the next crack at it.

So, all in all Rawley had a pretty special birthday.

Baby News

I don't really have too much to report. The ultrasound on Tuesday showed good umbilical cord flow and good amniotic fluid so Nudge is safe and sound for now. I had a non-stress test again today and that also went well. He always has a few blips where his heart rate drops and then races but overall they are happy with his reading.

I am back in Surrey tomorrow with Dr. Still for another ultrasound.

I hope to get some answers for some questions too. It seems that everyone thinks something different and when you see 6 or 7 different doctors/OBs/specialists it gets confusing. I have been told that in the end everything will be up to Dr. Still though so really what he says is all that matters.

Questions we have for him are:
1. If I come in for a scan and he thinks it is time to deliver will I be allowed to go back to Abbotsford or is there and chance I will have to deliver in Surrey?
2. With everything going so well right now is there a chance we may not have to have a c-section? (I have had conflicting answers to this)
3. Does he think there is a possibility that we could make it past 35 weeks?

So, I hope to get some answers tomorrow, but since they can't get another accurate measurement until next Thursday he will not be able to compare size and growth and therefore may not be able to answer any of the question.

I guess I will wait and see.

On another note we had an great little birthday dinner celebration for Rawley on Tuesday. I will post pictures later and share what kind of things he got spoiled with.

Happy Birthday Rawley

Born @ 6:27am on Saturday May 11th.

7lbs 9oz

19 inches long

Rawley Micheal

Age 1

Age 2

Age 3

Age 4

Age 5

Age 6

Age 7

And today my little baby boy turns 8. I can't believe it. Where did the time go?

For dinner we are having Papa, Uncle Dustin, Auntie Merry & Owyn over. Rawley has picked breakfast for dinner. So, we are having waffles, cheese scrambled eggs, breakfast sausage and home made hashbrowns. To accompany that we are having Green Kool-Aid followed by Ice -cream cake. Sounds pretty good to me. Guess I should start getting ready.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RAWLEY! I LOVE YOU!

Good Bye Job

This morning I turned my keys in at work and collected all my personal belongings from my office. It was kind of bitter sweet. I was happy to walk away from all the stress that place has caused me, but that has been my office for 3 years and it was odd to see someone else sitting at my desk using my computer.

After my quick stop there I headed up to the hospital for Nudge's non-stress test. For the first time ever he actually cooperated for them. He moved almost the whole time I was hooked up. There were a few blips here and there but the doctor checked us out and said he is good enough to go another day. YAY!!!!

Tomorrow we are back in Surrey with the specialist for another ultrasound.

This is how I spend my mornings when they do the non-stress test. Not the greatest picture, but you get the idea. This is from last week Tuesday.
The orange number is Nudge's fetal heart rate, the purple number on the right is measuring my stomach for contractions. I had a huge braxton hicks contraction last Thursday and the number shot up to 39. The little pink numbers underneath are my heart rate and pulse. I have to hold a little clicker in my hand and press the button each time Nudge moves. Then it puts a black arrow on the paper print out so they can see what his heart is doing when he moves.

Anyway, all is good for today and I am more than happy with that.

Mothers Day

My Mothers Day has been very good so far. It started out pretty early with breakfast in bed and an hour of Gilmore Girls. Then we headed out to Mill Lake for a small walk and Rawley to play at the park. Rawley has had a stomach flu since Thursday evening so he has been cooped up inside the house. It was nice to have him out running around. This is the new park. It is very abstract.

Rawley showed me how to use all the stuff at the park. He had a good time and the weather was beautiful. Also when you go to the park at 9:30 am it is nice and quiet.

~I played on the swings for a bit with Rawley~

~Rawley & Ryan played on...this~

~Rawley climbed some more~

We finished off with a little walk because that is all I could do. After a small rest at home I got the afternoon off to go visit with my friend, Sophie, while the boys went and did their own thing. I understand that Mothers Day is probably a day you should spend with your family, but for me it was very special to get the afternoon off to go out alone and visit. Sophie made me a wonderful roasted chicken lunch and we sat all afternoon and talked. She is so inspirational to me and a very wise women all around. Every time I leave her house I feel smarter and more ready to face the day to day life. I am blessed to have people like her in my life.

We are now just relaxing at home and watching the game, which is going very well so far. I hope our boys can keep it up for another period.

Once Ryan leaves for hockey I will dye my hair and then go to bed early.

Happy Mothers Day to me & all the other mom's out there.

Specialist

This morning we saw the specialist in Surrey. He is a really awesome guy that answered some of our questions and made us feel a bit more at ease.

What we know is this. I have placenta insufficiency. The baby is small (Dr. Stall's more accurate reading says 3lbs 12oz today). The umbilical flow today was okay and the amniotic fluid is at a good volume for now. Our situation is still a major concern and we need to be continually monitored.

I go for 2 non-stress tests a week and back to Surrey next Tuesday & Friday for more ultrasounds with the specialist. Dr. Still will compare his results each time and decide what to do then. As long as baby grows a little bit and umbilical flow stays at a safe level we hope to keep baby in there until 35 weeks (which is 16 days from now).

If anything changes for the worst they will just have to take him out.

So, really we do not know a whole lot more. I am off work permanently now and need to rest a couple hours every morning and every afternoon. As for when Nudge is making his big (or not so big) arrival is still going to be a day by day thing. I am feeling confident that we are in good hands.

Nudge is moving a lot today so that also makes me feel good.

Prayers Are Working

So, after another long time in the hospital being monitored and having doctors go over all our results. Things are looking a bit better.

As per my doctor, "Baby is definitely not out of the woods, and you will not carry to term; however, the flow in the umbilical cord has improved a little"

She was telling me that when they got the results from last weeks ultrasound they were scared because a baby in that type on distress doesn't get better it only gets worse. She said weather it is me not working and laying around or the power of prayer our situation has gotten a bit better. The ultrasound from yesterday was a bit better. This may not last more than a few days mind you but it has let us keep Nudge in couple more days and with the steroids he is getting a great chance at developing those lungs more quickly.

So for now I am to continue laying on the couch doing nothing at all. I need to still go in for another non-stress test tomorrow and then Friday we should have more definite info. The Dr. (Dr. Still) we are seeing on Friday will be able to monitor everything closer, better and for a longer time. I have heard wonderful things about him from everyone who has heard of him so I feel blessed that they have sent us to him to get checked out.

I cannot express how thankful I am for all the nurses and doctors that have been so wonderful to us. All my questions have been answered and they understand how scared I am. How lucky Nudge and I are to have such wonderful care.

Thank you everyone for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. Its working so keep it up!!!!

Now I am going to go lay down.

Nudge Update

This morning I had a second ultrasound which didn't show any improvement but was not concerning enough to make any sudden decisions. I also had a non-stress test afterwords which was considerably better than last nights.

I saw the OB on call today at the hospital as well and she wants us to be seen by a specialist in Surrey. I would tell you what kind of specialist if I knew what she had said, but it is someone who is a specialist in neonatal ultrasounds. He will be able to take a better more detailed look at Nudge and then make the call as to when they think he can make it till.

Until then I will continue to go for non-stress tests daily and count fetal movements at home. If I have anything that concerns me or scares me I am always welcome to go see them at the hospital and get put on the monitor.

I am off work for this week till I see the specialist and then whether I go back will be up to him.

So, I am still nervous and scared and worried of course. However, it is nice to know that they think he can make it a few days at least.

That will give me time to get a few things sorted out for his arrival.

Why I am Happy today:
All the pain I have been having in my lower abdomen and pelvic seems to have been a blessing in disguise. Had I not been having all those pains, I would not have raised concern with my doctor. Had I not raised concern with my doctor she would not have decided to send me for an ultrasound. The ultrasound was only to check the length of my cervix. However, once they have you there they take a quick peek of the baby anyway. It was at this time that the tech found this problem. If they did not find this problem things could be a whole lot worse. I could have not known anything was wrong and Nudge could have gone untreated.....well you get the picture.

I have to know that God has his hand in there somewhere.. giving us a chance to find a potential life threatening problem with Nudge.

Now we are aware and are receiving the best care possible to make sure he makes it out okay.
I have to say I feel blessed for that.

The nurse last night let me keep a little piece of Nudge's print out. This was before things went all crazy.

Please Pray

I am having trouble sleeping tonight and praying to God for comfort. I have been laying in bed counting movements from Nudge. If I don't feel 6 in a 2 hour stretch I have reason to worry. So far so good.

I received a call from my doctor early today (technically yesterday) that there seems to be some worries. When I had my ultrasound last week (for an unrelated issue that was fine in the end) they noticed that Nudge is not growing as he should be and the flow in the umbilical cord is low. I was told this usually means that my placenta has kinda kicked the bucket. It can not produce enough nutrients for baby to grow. I was asked to go to the hospital for a non-stress test. This is where they check the baby's stress levels.

At this point I was told I just needed to be monitored and that meant 2 non-stress tests a week and one ultrasound. However, after the first non-stress test last night I got a visit from the OB on duty. He confirmed that my placenta is not working, that the baby is stressed, and that I am not going to make it to term. They have started me on steroids to help Nudge's lungs to grow stronger. I go back for a non-stress test in 6 hours followed by another ultrasound to check umbilical flow. If thing are not too bad I will get more steroids and get checked every 48 hours. If all is not fine they will plan to take Nudge out.

Needless to say I am scared, anxious, tired, worried and feeling a little like a failure. If you could please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Doctors hope I can keep him brewing a couple weeks or even a few days longer to give his lungs a better chance but truly in the end he is safer out here than he is in there if I can't provide for him what he needs.

In the meantime I will try to keep my chin up and know that it is in God's hands.

Moving Sale Over.

It was nice that I had Ryan & Rawley's help with getting the signs all ready for the moving sale. Rawley was awesome and colouring in all my block letters. I was not feeling so hot that night so sitting up for any period of time was hard. They were huge helps.
Our moving sale was not a total lose. I admit it could have been warmer, sunnier or even just dryer, but we still did okay. After paying out Rawley for some of the toys he sold we were just short of our goal for the weekend so that is a positive. The negative was that the big furniture did not sell which meant moving it out and back into the house both days. Ryan did almost all the big stuff himself which was awesome. I still made a hundred trips in and out with smaller furniture and other stuff though. Rawley had swimming and a birthday party to go to on Saturday which kept him occupied. (Thank you dad for taking him to swimming & Thank you Erin for having him over). Sunday was a little more challenging. He played 2 hours of DS and watched too much tv. He did come outside to eat with us, run around the house and smash rocks with a sledge hammer. A sledge hammer that I can barely lift might I add. He was searching for jewels inside the rocks.

We sold about half the stuff on Saturday and then were left with slim pickings on Sunday. The picture below shows our attempt to keep out the rain and wind. It did it's job pretty good I must say. Dad and Ryan set it up on Saturday morning. The boys were all so helpful this weekend. Rawley even helped bring stuff out and back into the house.

Sunday at 4pm we took down the moving sale sign and made news sings that read "FREE". We taped those up to the street sign and our tarp then went grocery shopping. When we got back almost all the little stuff was gone. We were left with 2 dressers, a computer desk, Rawley's bed and a 12" tv. All of which will end up on Freecycle some time this week. So all in all it was good. Boy are we tired now though.
Last night Ryan had roller hockey at 9pm too I have no idea where he found the energy to do that but he was pretty excited so I am sure he found the energy somewhere.