I am Lost. Do You Have a Map?

Back when Ryan and I were planning our family, our move to Manitoba, our future I was so sure of what I wanted and was capable of. Now I am not.

As for my family life and where I want to be I have no doubts. I want this baby more than anything and I want to be in Manitoba. Despite the sadness I have about leaving my family (mostly my grandparents) I know that Manitoba is where I belong. I feel that I deserve the life that waits for me in Manitoba.

As far as a career for me... I am lost. I really have no idea, what I want to do, what I would be good at , what is available to me.

Our plan was for me to start my ECE (Early Childhood Education) while we were still living here. This way I would have a head start on my school before me moved and hopefully by the time my maternity leave was up I would be done or almost done and able to work in a daycare.

There were so many reasons I chose this as the career I wanted. It was the closest thing to staying home with my kids that I could do and get paid for. I would love the opportunity to be a stay at home mom, but in this day and age that is not always possible. It may have been a more realistic dream if I had done my life in order. You know fall in love, marry, and then have kids. This would have given me/us time to work and save money, buy a house and get settled on our feet. This is not a reality for us and I am willing to accept that I just wish there was a way I could work and be with my kids.

The other reason I choose ECE is because I actually want the opportunity to learn more about children. I am enjoying my studies. I like to learn about how children grow, what effects their personalities, their learning abilities. I have always loved children, since I was very little. I started babysitting when I was only 11. It was a 3 day a week job and I enjoyed it so much.

Now I am wondering if that is really my calling though? If that is really what I would be good at? Would I be patient enough to deal with the children? Am I picking this career for the right reasons or only because I am selfish and want a career where I can be with my kids? Do I have the right personality to handle the day to day of so many kids? Do I even have what it takes to finish the school? Did I not think about how much school would cost? What if we can't afford it?

The problem is I don't know the answer to any of these questions.

I know I am enjoying my schooling (for the most part). I am, however, finding it hard to do. The work itself is not overly difficult. I have only completely 4 course but have gotten an 'A' in all of them. The problem is I cannot find the time or energy to do it. I suppose I thought I was Wonder Women and I could do anything, but I can't. The school work exhausts me and makes me angry because I don't' know when or how to fit it into my life.

This past month I did not order a new course. I am worried about spending the money on the courses if I am not going to finish them. I am worried that I am going to take on too much and therefore be a tired, angry awful mother and wife at home. I am worried that I will finish the course and then in the end not even want to work in a daycare centre. I couldn't handle the guilt of paying all the money for the schooling and then not doing it.

I think I feel intimidated by what I see when I go to Rawley's daycare centres. The smaller ones where the kids stay in the same centre for long periods of time and you get to know them and build relationships sounds wonderful. However, the large centres where the groups of children change every few months and no one is settled and so much is expected of the ECE provider scare me. If I knew I could finish the course and set up my own daycare in my own house I think I would be less scared. But knowing that is not really a possibility considering we do not have the money to buy a house, renovate is for a daycare and go through all the business set up stuff... makes me think I am way out of my league. Besides that I would never have the knowledge to run my own business. That is a little beyond me I believe.

So what I know is that I am scared. I am scared of making the wrong choice, wasting money we do not have, wearing myself out, being a bad ECE is I even do it....so fear had led me to confusion. Confusion about what I actually want and what I am capable of. Confusion has left me to ....giving up... or at least putting it on hold because if I don't know what choice is right I just shouldn't make a choice at all.

So here I sit 4.5 months pregnant, plans to move to Manitoba in 6 months...but have no job lined up to go back to after mat leave, no idea of a job that I can do, no real dent in my school work.....and worried.

One Spoiled Girl

I feel very loved and very spoiled. I had the best birthday yesterday. I am thinking that taking the day off work on your birthday is a really good idea. All I wanted for my birthday was mixing bowls and a night out. I got way more.

Yesterday morning I was able to lounge in bed late and read my book. Rawley got up, came and closed my bedroom door then went and got his breakfast. I was not able to actually sleep but I lied in bed for an hour and read.

It was nice to have a slow paced morning and then take Rawley to school myself. I think that was the first time I have ever got to do that.

Next it was my date with Lindsay. We went shopping at Walmart and the mall. She took me into The Body Shop were I talked to one of the girls about my awful pregnancy skin. She recommended a Tea Tree Oil face wash. She said that it is fine to use during pregnancy but I have read otherwise on the Internet. I guess it is another one I will have to do more research on before I commit to using it. I have tried it out though and I love it. Lindsay took me to Mitch Miller's for lunch. They have the most amazing food. Their Caesar Salad is to die for and their Club house is also amazing. I left totally stuffed. Before dropping Lindsay of at work she helped me pick out a pair of maternity jeans from Thyme. Ryan's mom and dad gave me $ for my birthday to buy them and they are awesome. They are comfy, stylish, and have room to grow. I love them.

After that it was off to the ultrasound with Ryan. The only person who did not spoiled me on my birthday was Nudge (the baby). Nudge was in a awful position for measuring and pictures. We tried everything to get baby to move but had no success. I walked a bit, went pee, did a little dance, jumped up and down...nothing. The tech had me lay flat, then on one side, then on the other.... It was a very long process and in the end we got some not so great photos. I have noticed in the past that I feel Nudge more if I eat cookies or chocolate, so before the 3D Ultrasound on Feb 20th I am going to have to sugar the baby up. ;)

~I like this photo below though. We got a good look at the heart pumping away at 149.~

After the ultrasound we stopped by my Grandma & Grandpa's to visit and bit and show them the ultrasound pictures. Then Ryan took me to the Keg for dinner. It was so yummy. We had Mushrooms Neptune and Garlic Buttered shrimp with cheese for appetizers. Then we each had a prime rib dinner. It is impossible to eat that much food so I now get to have prime rib lunch today. Yum. Ryan also took me out to see Leap Year at the Langley theatre. It was a cute love story. I am such a chick flick girl so I loved it. It was not even one I wanted to see but it was really enjoyable. Both dinner and our movies were paid for with gift certificates so Ryan went all out on my gifts. I felt so spoiled!!!

It was such a wonderful day and evening for me. Thank you dad for babysitting, Lindsay for my morning/lunch date Mom & Dad W for my new jeans and Ryan for spoiling me the rest of the day.

~free Lancome gift that came with the perfume (Rawley got to give me this one)~

~Perfume from Ryan~



~Pyrex mixing bowls (and measuring spoons) from Rawley~



~Locket from Ryan~

Weekend of Ups & Downs

I had a great weekend as well as a awful weekend all in one.

Friday night we went bowling with our friends, Tom & Jeannine. It was a bit of a birthday celebration for me and since Rawley never gets to come to those we let him come. We went to the Thunder Bowl here in town. Thunder Bowling is when they turn off the house lights, turn of black lights, and laser lights and pump up the music. It is a lot of fun. Rawley was really well behaved considering we rarely let him stay up past his bedtime (8:00) and we stayed out till 9:30 on Friday. Rawley has never done 10 pin bowling and he did not have much luck with the game, but he was in a great mood the whole night.

~ Tom & Jeannine~

Saturday I sent my husband off to help our friends do some renos on their newly purchased home. This left Rawley and I to get into mischief all day. We walked to the bank, then the Library. We went down to my dad's house to clean a bit and get rid of some stuff I had on craigslist. Once we got home we played a board game. It was a really wonderful day together but I was exhausted by 6 and needed a nap so bad. Just after falling asleep my phone rang. Second time I feel asleep Rawley decided to play with his dart guns. The nap was never accomplished.

Shortly after the failed nap we headed over to Tom & Jeannine's for dinner. Tom made us an awesome dinner followed up with Jeannine's homemade Chocolate mousse. The mousse was made with Lindt chocolate and brandy. It was amazing. Rawley got to play a round a Foosball with everyone but me and then we watched part of Finding Nemo on their huge projector screen. Rawley of course has 'hated' this movie for a while now. He out grew it at some point. However, while it was on he stared at the screen and barely moved the entire time. :) Deep down he still loves Nemo I think. (I miss the movie, it used to be a daily ritual 5 years ago)

This was Rawley's second late night this weekend (a very rare occurrence for him) yet he was still quite well behaved. Sunday was not such a highlight of our weekend. I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a truck. Every muscle in my body hurt as well as my ears and eyes. I felt very faint and tired. I thought maybe it was due to low blood pressure, which I have a lot, but I checked it at the store machine and I was not too bad. I was grumpy, angry, moody, and easily agitated all day long. Poor Ryan & Rawley. Rawley was also some what over tired form his 2 exciting nights in a row and not all that well behaved. We did not get along for the most part. Finally Ryan & Rawley went out for a bit in the afternoon and I retreated to my bed. I had a 2 hour nap but woke up feeling worse if anything. The rest of the day was a blur. A yelling, arguing, nearly crying blur. By the time 8 pm rolled around I thought I might faint.

Ryan quietly and politely put up with me all day long and even gave me a back rub last night before bed. Thank you huney!

Fish in a Bag

The baby (dubbed 'Nudge') has been really active lately. I feel it all the time but have a hard time describing what it feels like. I was trying to think on a way to describe it to Ryan and Rawley. Since they can't feel it from the outside yet I wanted to be able to tell them what it was like.

This morning after getting up at 5:30 to send Ryan off to work I could not fall back asleep. I had a killer headache and took some Tylenol and cuddled with an ice pack while lying in bed stressing and over thinking everything from 'oh my God in 5 months I am going to have to go through labour' to 'I have nothing to wear tomorrow night when we go out bowling.'

While my overactive brain was at work so was my baby. It was moving and kicking and then the description hit me all of a sudden how I can explain it to the boys.

For anyone who has bought (or won) a fish you will get this. You know when you are carrying the bag with the fish inside and it swims into the bag you feel a little nudge on your hand. It is not hitting with enough force to make the bag bulge but you definitely feel the little nudge. That is what it feels like when the baby gives a little kick or push. Then there are the softer feelings. When the fish is swimming along the edge of the bag just close enough for it to rub lightly and cause a tickling/fluttering sensation. That is what it feels like when the baby is moving around touching the uterine wall but not actually putting any force or pressure on it.

So, if you want to know what I am feeling throughout the day go to PetSmart, buy a fish and hold the bag in your hand. ;)

That's the best I got.

No Peppermint Oil

Still having headaches. Today's did not come on until about 12:30 and it is not as bad as they have been. I suppose I am thankful.

I finally got a hold of my Midwife today in regards to using Peppermint Oil. She told me I should research it on the internet because she really does not know much about it. She did tell me that if the headaches are that bad I should see the doctor and get a perscription for T3s. I don't want to talk T3s while I am pregnant.

So, I researched it on the internet and found more good than bad. 90% of articles I read said you should avoid it completely while pregnant. It is a Uterine Stimulant which could cause miscarriage and early dilivery of a baby. It may also cause Birth defect.

I did read personal stories from people that have used it and nothing happened, but no actual articles that tell you to use it.

Bummer.

Any other ideas?

What's Your Opinion?

I really want to dye my hair. I would love to re-dye the whole thing, but would settle for highlights to hide the roots.

I have read all the books and I know that they do not recommend dying your hair during pregnancy. However, they say right in the book that they have no proof that it leads to any birth defects. So little of the dye is actually absorbed through the skin that is is unlikely that it would have any adverse effect.

They do also mention that some practitioners still recommend against it though.

I have not actually asked my midwife yet. I am having a bit of a hard time with her. It seems I always have a lot of questions but she rarely has a lot of time. So I start with the most important questions and then when I feel I am being rushed I just stop. I know this is not a good thing and I need to be more ...self.. (I will come back when I think of a word).... more assertive? Is that the word I am looking for? (put my needs first and settle all my concerns instead of worrying about her time or all the patients still waiting in the waiting room. I waited an hour to see her they can too)

The reasons I want to dye my hair are many. Mostly, I am not happy with my looks right now. I am bulging already which would be okay if I had 'the glow' but I don't. I have acne so bad right now I can't even hide it with makeup. I have never had acne this bad not even as a young teenager. I am so used to have really great skin (on my face) so this is hard for me to accept. I am also not so great with the makeup thing so I do not know what to do to make it look better. I am a greasy mess by the end of the day and can't wait to get home and wash my face. I am surprised people don't mistake my acne for the chicken pox.

My hair has lost it's luster and shine AND I have 2 inch roots that stand out. I think dying my hair may make me feel a little less monster like and a little more human. But I worry.

I worry about what people will think. I worry about what could maybe possibly happen to the baby. I have waited out my whole first trimester, which they say is best if I am going to dye my hair. But I really don't know what to do.

Ultimately I will make my own choice (after talking with Ryan) but I am curious what others did. Did you dye your hair when you were pregnant? Do you know people who do?

Maybe if I can't dye it I should get some highlights and a really trendy new cut. .. I don't know.
I need something. I feel blah.

What to Talk About?

I have got no direct train of thought today. I am not saying that it is unusual, I am just saying.

I am still having incredible headaches and am running out of ideas of what to do about it.
I bought an Obus Form pillow that is suppose to help you keep good posture at night and relieve neck pain and headaches. I like the pillow but have not noticed any difference. A few of my friends suggested that I use Peppermint cream or oil. After trying several stores we finally found some at a health food store. The problem is that pregnant women should not use it. I will be calling my doctors office today to find out why and if my midwife thinks I can try it. I have another chiropractor appointment today so maybe another adjustment will help.

Regardless, we still managed to have a good weekend. Friday night was a quiet night at home. Saturday we headed into Vancouver to pick up the boys Olympic tickets from Robson square. On the way to stopped to look at some maternity pants that I found on Craigslist. She had 16 pairs of pants from high end stores for $110. I was stoked until I tried them on. She had them all hemmed and every pair was about 1" too short (or more). They were all so nice it was hard to walk away. Guess I will have to keep looking. Ryan and I hung out on the couch and watched the Canucks game that night. It was nice to see them emerge out fof their slump.

Sunday we slept in and missed church. Not that I have been over eager to go lately anyway. We (I) have not enjoyed our church much in the past year. So much has changed and it is kinda weird now. I don't usually enjoy it, but go because I feel guilty for not going. We went out for breakfast and grocery shopping instead. Sunday afternoon Rawley had a friend over to play for a couple hours. It is always nice when he has someone else to play with and talk to, it gives us a break. We spent last night on the couch watching Dirty Jobs and Mythbusters. Rawley loved Mythbusters last night. It was about rockets and blowing up cars. It can't get much cooler than that!

All in all we were fairly boring all weekend and have no pictures to prove it. :)

Maybe our week will be more exciting.

Baby News:
Baby is still kicking and poking me often enough that I know all is well. Soon Ryan will be able to feel it from the outside which will be nice. He feels left out right now.
I have kind of hit a platue with growing for right now. I exploded very early and looked quite pregnant from 12 weeks on, but now at 17 I have kinda halted the expanding. It is nice for now.
Some of the names Rawley highlighted in the Baby Name Book:
Esmeralda
Asplendida
Essy
Emmylou
Halley
Hailey
Hail
He seemed to really like the "e" and "h" names. Maybe it was too soon to hand him a highlighter.

Tempermants

Currently at my Bible study group we are studying a book called 'Women of Worth'. It is from Focus on the Family. We did one other book from this series already that was good. This one is giving us a chance to look at who we each are as a person and learn to love and accept that we each have worth.

Last night we looked at four different temperaments of personality. Everyone is a make up of four temperaments but we always have one that is more prominent than the others.
Last night I learned a lot about not only my own temperament , but Ryan's and Rawley's as well.

It was very interesting to me.

Sanguines love to have fun. Put them in a room with people, and they have a great time. They are easy to get along with; people generally like them. Sanguines are very expressive, enthusiastic and emotional; and they have a sense of humor, are creative and enjoy people. They need attention, affection, approval and acceptance. On the downside, they are usually considered scatterbrained or disorganized, not detail oriented, often gullible or naive, and seldom serious minded.

Rawley is definitely the above. Not all the characteristics match him but I have made bold the ones that do. After my cousin pointed out to me that this was how she viewed Rawley I totally agreed and it was like a little light bulb went on. Learning about different personalities makes it easier to understand why certain people act certain ways. Sometimes his personality and mine do not mesh because we are very different, but this is how he was made. This is who he is so I am going to have to learn that I need to be more patient with some of the things he does because they make him the wonderful little person he is.

Phlegmatics are natural peacemakers. They are quiet observers in the group, content to sit back and take one day at a time without getting their feathers ruffled. Phlegmatics get along with practically everybody. They need a sense of respect, feeling or worth and emotional support. being easygoing and content are great qualities, but when taken to the extreme, the phlegmatic can be seen as indecisive, lazy and unmotivated. And under all that reserve, there is a hidden stubbornness.

I think Ryan is Phlegmatic (as per bold characteristics). I have always said that we get along so well because I am moody and kind of bossy. I like things to be done a certain way (the right way) and Ryan seems to be okay with going with the flow. He is relaxed and laid back while I am tense and high strung. I never realized that this quality that I love about Ryan so much is the same quality that drives me crazy sometimes. Ryan never plans anything or makes decisions. If he is not asked to do something he will kinda just chill out and do nothing. This is where I see him as being 'indecisive, lazy and unmotivated'. So, I am going to have to learn to take the good with the bad, because f that is one of the reasons we get a long so well, then I will have to accept that he needs more motivation because that is just who he is and how he works. If this truly is his temperament I need to also make sure I give him a feeling or worth and support him emotionally (something I did not know he needed).

Now me:
Melancholics are thinkers. Many artists, poets and musicians are melancholics. Their analytical minds make them great at math and engineering fields. Much more reserved than extroverts, melancholics prefer a quiet atmosphere and chose friends cautiously. they often exhibit a servant's heart from which other temperaments an learn. They have a need for a sense of stability, space, silence, and support. on the downside, melancholics can become moody and easily depressed. Perfectionist attitudes can also give way to criticism of self and others.

Knowing this about myself has also giving me insight on why I do things the way I do and why certain things bother me. I have always tested as an extrovert in my life but lately I have noticed that may not be accurate. Being places that are busy and loud always stress me out. I need to have quiet and calm to think and feel peaceful. This is often a problem at home when our child is a Sanguine who is very loud expressive, enthusiastic and wants to be with us all the time. It is also nice to know that I am moody because of a predetermined temperament. This does not mean it is a great trait to have but it means that I am normal.

I printed these descriptions off and am going to post them on my fridge at home. I think it is good to be reminded why people act the way they do and love them for who they are. I also plan to talk about it with Rawley a bit. I would like to explain to him that we all need to meet each other in the middle somewhere . We will try to understand that he needs interaction, attention, and affection and we will try to give him that but he will also have to understand that I need to have peace and quiet sometimes. I need time to think and be peaceful. When Rawley undertsand why something has to happen orhy he has to do something he is always more inclined to do it because there is a reason. This sometimes is frustrating because as a child I was taught, "because I said so" and that was that you didn't argue. When yourmom or dad told you to do something you just did it. You didn't have to like it, but you still had to do it. I try this with Rawley in hopes that he will just figure it out but it is a battle. So, when I can I try to give him a reason for why somethinghas to be done or be stopped. Thiscreates a more relaxed atmosphere for myself.

Sidenote: Rawley got his hair cut on Tuesday night and he is now sporting a pretty cute mohawk. I will take some photos tonight (if I remember)

Little Kicker

I was talking to my friend on facebook this morning and she was asking me if I had felt the baby move yet. Sadly I had not. I know it is kicking a lot because during the ultrasound we watched it kick like crazy. I was saddened that I could not feel it, but maybe it has something to do with my uterus being so large. The baby is kicking lots but not making contact with anything.

We have been trying everything to make the baby move so i can feel it. We have put head phones on my belly and played it soft gentle music and some fun dance music with no result. I have laid very still and just waited patiently and that hasn't work either. We also tried the more aggressive options, the ones Rawley says we are mean for doing, like poking the baby and shinning a flashlight through my stomach on the baby to make it react. I have read that all of the above work, yet I still have not been able to feel anything.

Minutes after talking to my friend this morning though and telling her that I will just wait patiently....I felt the baby move.

It was wonderful!!!

It felt like a prolonged poke followed by a fluttery feeling. To people who have never felt it or all males that might sounds crazy. It was very cool though. It is also the first time I have felt anything like it.

When I was pregnant with Rawley I never felt him move until I was about 32 weeks and even then he just adjusted himself every once in a while, he never kicked or moved much at all. At the time I was concerned and asked my doctor about why I never felt him move. The doctor assured me everything was fine and that I was probably just going to have a really calm baby. HA! More like the baby was just saving every bit of energy for after it was born. Rawley is and always has been the complete opposite of calm.

Anyway, since that first little poke 30 minutes ago I have felt the baby move a lot more. It is so exciting!

Side Note:
I went to the Chiropractor last night and he said my headaches were not Migraines but Cervicogenic Headaches. Many things can cause it but mine are caused by bad posture while I sit at my computer at work and being tense with stress. I will see him a few more time for adjustments and muscle relaxation therapy, then I have to start special exercises and stretches to stop it from happening again.
My upper vertebrates in my neck are out, I have tense muscles and my nerves all all mangled...
But relief is within reach! :)

http://www.frequent-headaches.com/cervicogenic_headache_symptoms_exposed.html

Wonderful Weekend.

Despite the fact that Rawley was grounded from TV, Wii and computer all weekend. Also despite the fact that we didn't give him his afternoon medication on Saturday or Sunday AND despite the fact that I had a throbbing migraine both days....we had a really good weekend.

Funny how that happened because I did not have high expectations for how this weekend would play out. Usually when Rawley cannot do any of the above he gets antsy and angry. Plus with my headaches I have not been feeling so hot.

Saturday morning Rawley woke up early but after I made him breakfast he went back to him room and played quietly for over an hour. It was great. He was so well behaved at his soccer game which they won 18-0. After that we headed out to Langley to look at a bassinet I had found on Craigslist. The bassinet is $159 new and she was selling it slightly used for $70. When we got there I offered her $60 and she agreed. It was beautiful and in really great shape.

It is a 5-in-1. Meaning it is a full bassinet, and if you take the top part off it is a travel bassinet and the stand remaining is a change table. Then the manufacture says that it is also a play seat and a bed side sleeper for baby. (I thought that is what most people used a bassinet for) It also has 5 sounds, a little light, and vibrations. I also love the basket underneath for little necessities.

~Yay for first baby purchase~

Upon folding it to transport it home I got my thumb stuck in the bracket which hurt bad enough that I was crying and Ryan could not figure out what was wrong or how to unlock it and open it to release my thumb. I was not being very helpful by crying and screaming, "flatten in, lay it flat". At least now I know that major injury upon closing is possible and I will NEVER do it again.

We made a quick stop at Toy Traders in Langley. For those of you who do not know you can buy new and used baby and kid items there as well as trade ins. We saw the same bassinet we had just got for $90 there in the same shape. I was feeling happy about our great deal.

Then it was off to IKEA. Rawley loves this place and we had planty of time to stop at each kids station for him to play. It made the trip so much more enjoyable for everyone. We did not buy too many things but had fun looking at all the possibilities. We ended up getting a couple stuffed mice for the baby. It sounds awful but they are so cute and tiny.

~Playing at the kids stations~

~Rawley drew a wonderful graveyard on the communal paper at Ikea~

I have no pictures for yesterday but we watched some gymnastics and figure skating then went for a long walk with a stop at the park for Rawley to play.

I like when life is rough; you are seeing your child act out more often than not THEN they stop and do something really great that renews your faith in them. We walked to the mall yesterday to go to Coles Bookstore. We stopped to use the washrooms at Sears and Rawley found a balloon on the ground from their sale event. He asked me if he could ask someone if he could have it and I said yes. He walked up to an employee and politely said, "Excuse me" then waited patiently for her to acknowledge him. He went on, "I found this balloon on the ground and was wondering if it would be alright if I may kept it ." Once she said yes he politely added, "Thank you!" and walked on with a huge smile. I know it is just a little thing but it makes me proud to know that he is able to act like a human being and he can be quiet, gentle, polite and adorable.

Reba!!!!

I won again!

This time we get to go see Reba!!! Right here in Abbotsford. I am so excited.

Reba tickets went on sale over a month ago and I looked to see what they were worth and good seats were too much. I couldn't spent the money. I really wanted to but with baby coming and a lot of stuff to buy I just couldn't.

All this month country 107.1 is giving away floor seats to her concert. They give you the Reba song of the day at 8:10 am and then Curtis Pope (dj) plays it some time between 12 and 6. Once the song is over you have to be the 7th caller through to win tickets. Today I WAS THE 7th CALLER. For those of you who hate country music I guess it is no big deal. Not only do I Love Country music I love Reba. I love her songs old and new, I love her show, I love when she emcees award shows. She is awesome!! And now i get to go see her!!!

Also, everyone that wins floor seats this month will be entered to get an upgrade to front row seats. I will keep my fingers crossed. But front row or not I am going to get to see Reba!!

Oh yeah and other news.
The boys are going to the Olympics. This is also something we have thought about for along time. Rawley really wants to go and he so has his heart set on seeing any event that he can. We have talked about it a lot and knowing money was tight we thought we should not. However, I have had a change of heart. Rawley may never get this chance again in his life. All he talks about is the Olympics. So, last night we broke down and ordered 2 tickets to the women's qualifying rounds of curling for Saturday Feb.13th . This was the only weekend curling event that had original priced tickets available. Rawley is paying for his own ticket and the services charges. (he has been saving up to go to a Canucks game for over a year, but Olympics are more important to him) Ryan and I will split the cost of Ryan's ticket.
I am opting out because the idea of going any where near those crowds is enough to stress me out. I would loss my mind if I actually had to go into town and attend one of these events. I am happy that Ryan is willing to take Rawley and more than happy to pay for 1/2 his ticket to take Rawley. Rawley has his red mittens so he can 'wear his heart on his hands' and is over the moon happy.

I still have a throbbing migraine. It is day 3 and it sucks, but regardless I am very happy. Life is good.

A Day in The Life

I do not know how so much can happen in a day for me and it is only 10:40. The morning started out way too early. Rawley woke up at 5:20 and did not lay quietly on the couch until 6 like he was asked to do.
During our morning routine Rawley also decided that he would get his lunch out of the microwave by climbing up onto the counter. Even though he has a stool and there are 4 kitchen chairs to use to reach that high. The result: a hole in my kitchen floor. When he pulled on the door of the microwave the microwave tipped forward and he fell off the counter thus throwing all my casserole dishes stored on top to the floor with a smash. (Sorry to the people that live below us) The casserole made it out without a mark however left a giant cut, dent AND bubble in the linoleum. :( Rawley is so lucky because the microwave almost fell off the counter and on top of him.
Maybe NOW he will understand why we tell him he may not climb on the counter and MUST use a stool or chair to reach up high. Maybe!

At least today is January 7th. Ultrasound day! Yay.
I drank my 4 8oz glasses of water starting at 7:25 but that is also when we left the house and left the only bathroom available to me. I took 16oz with me in the car to finish closer to 8 (when I had to be done by). By the time I dropped Rawley of at daycare and picked Ryan up at work I had to pee so bad I had back pain. I didn't even know that was possible. I gave in at 8:10 and peed at McDonalds before eating my hashbrown and finishing my last 8oz of water. We arrived way early to the appointment and I asked for permission to pee again. She let me fill 1/2 a paper cup. Yes!
They were very efficient there and got me in right away.
Great news: There is only one baby in there.
It has a great heartbeat.
It has two legs and two arms
It is the prefect size for my due date. :)
After she did her initial exam I got to pee out another whole paper cup and then Ryan was allowed to come it and we got to watch the baby flip, kick A LOT, twist , turn, wave and eat it's hand. Pretty magical stuff.

~Upside Down with feet in air~

~Laying Face down~

~Hand in mouth~

~sitting up waving~

So the crazy early morning, the near ER visit with Rawley, the whole/bump/cut in the floor was all worth it. I would take all that again if by 9 am I could watch my precious little baby do flip flops on a monitor.

Cloud nine; that is where I am!

Dentist

I am off to the dentist today. Last August I had a root canal done. It was botched. My tooth hurt forever afterwords and each time I went back the dentist made things worth. On 4 different occasions he perscribed for me an Anti-Inflammatory and IB Prophen (which is an anti inflammatory) together at their largest doses. He told me that this was the only way my tooth would stop hurting. His reasoning was the the gums were swollen and sore and once they settled the tooth would stop hurting. Well the tooth did not stop hurting AND I ended up with very severe Gastritis from the over dose of meds. :(

He also ground down my tooth a few times I went back. He told me that if we can illuminate anything from touching that tooth the swelling will go down and the tooth would stop hurting. This also did not work. The worst part was that he used up all my dental coverage on this terrible job and now I have had to live with the pain till the new year.

I have had a mouth guard (of and on since a teenager) that I am suppose to wear at night but have been unable to wear it because of the pain in the one tooth. This is bad because the longer I go not wearing my night guard the more damage I am causing the rest of my teeth.

I finally went back to the office to talk to someone about what had happened. Conveniently the Dentist was not available but I had a chat with soneone else (cannot mention who). Apparently I was not the only one to have these complaints about this dentist. I learned that many many people have had pain afterwords, infections and even hospitalization after seeing him.

She did recommend I still see someone about my pain but to go somewhere else. She was able to give me a few good names of local dentists.

After I left the office I researched his name on the Internet.... He is bad news. He has had many many complaints against him for bad root canals. He even dropped a file down someones throat once; several people ended up with bad infections after seeing him... The list went on and on. if only I had of done better research before seeing him in the first place.
So I did look into the other dentist I now had a list of to see if I could find someone to help me with my pain. I think I found a good one.

Today I am off to see her. I will let you know how it goes.

FYI: I would not recommend Dr. Kyle Nawrot to anyone seeking dental care.

Rawley's Lumps and Holes

Last year during the Christmas break we noticed a weird lump on the tip of Rawley's collar bone. Of course I panicked because...is a lump ever good?

We made an appointment at the doctors to get it checked out, Rawley was sent for x-rays. The x-rays revealed that the mass was not bone. Next step was an ultrasound. I can't remember what the ultrasound revealed but our family doctor decided that it was not within his knowledge to diagnose it so we were referred to a child specialist. He felt around and decided that he needed to refer us to someone else (i believe it was a bone doctor). That doctor was also unsure and sent us to Children's Hospital for a CT scan.

After a long day, no CT scan but a second ultrasound and a visit with a Doctor at Children's Hospital we were told it was nothing to be concerned about. They figured it was most likely just extra cartilage sitting there. Eww! So, we were to keep an eye on it. If we ever notice that it grows or moves to a new location then we need to go back.

After 9 months on observations, the lump has not moved at all nor has it grown. Yay!!!

This Christmas holiday we found a indentation (hole) in Rawley's sternum. I panicked a little at first because... well that is what I do. The hole was big enough for me to stick my thumb into. I did some research on the Internet and showed everyone we saw and found out nothing. There was one possible thing he could maybe of had but the other symptoms were.....
~shortness of breath
~unable to be physically active
~unable to run and walk very far....
Rawley has absolutely none of these symptoms as he runs everywhere he goes, never sits down and is the fastest kid I know.

I stopped panicking at this point. I am not sure why. Maybe I was too exhausted from everything else to panic anymore or maybe deep down I really knew it was nothing.

Anyway, we went to the doctor and found out the the little teardrop shaped bone below the sternum (Xiphoid Process) is concave instead of flat or curved out. There is no medical concern what so ever. They do not know why most people's are flat and then some people have a concave one but they do. Rawley is perfectly healthy he just has character.... A lump here and a hole there..... The most beautiful brown (turning green) eyes ever and the longest eyelashes a boy has ever had.

Sad To Say Good-Bye

Back in June of this year we hired our first full time shop employee, Tommy. Someone to be here all year long that does not go work out in the field.

As previously mentioned I don't get along well with my boss at work. For most of the year we are the only 2 people in the office so it gets very lonely. Between jobs we have one of our job foreman around and he is a decent guy although quite moody. (borderline scary)

Tommy was originally brought in for a few days to help us load trucks. We had a job starting in Alberta and had to load all the equipment needed onto a few flatdecks over a couple days. All of our employees were out of town and we had no one available to do the work and Tommy had just dropped a resume off the week before. He worked his butt off for us those few days and Mark decided we could not get rid of him.

When Tommy first started he was this super hardworking Irish guy who I could barely understand but enjoyed. He literally ran everywhere he went around the shop and yard. I have never seen anyone work so hard.

Over time Tommy and I became good friends. Rawley just loves him and think he is the greatest friend ever. Tommy has become a part of our lives. He has met all my friends, come for dinner and even babysat for us so Ryan and I can go out. He is just a really descent guy to have around.

Work has become pleasant because there is someone to talk to, someone who smiles at work and cracks jokes.

Today Tommy quite. :(

He had a weekend job that turned into a full time job. I don't blame him for leaving. The work and pay are better at his other job and I want him to be happy to do well.

I am, however, very sad to lose my only friend I have had at work and the only descent, polite and friendly person I have worked with here.

It's going to be a long 6 months.